One Method for Writing a Personal Essay

1. Pick a quote that most resonates with you:

"Why is it that affirmation from your family always remains the one approval you never stop seeking?" - Robert Evans

"Dealing with money in our lives can feel terrifying. There is a great conspiracy of silence and shame with regard to money. We are involved in the same money system , yet we don't share our experiences openly or very often. We lie awake at 3:00 AM worrying about bills and have money triumphs alone. We are taught not to tell about, share or show the money in our lives." - SARK

"Can one say anything finally, with unqualified confidence, about any work of art--why it strikes a profound, irresistible, and occasionally life-altering response in some individuals, yet means very little to others?...We fall in love with certain works of art, as we fall in love with certain individuals, for no very clear motive." - Joyce Carol Oates

"I've had my moments of crisis, which have led me to study and argue with God, at times dramatically...Hasidism teaches that no heart is as whole as a broken heart, and I would say that no faith is as solid as a wounded faith." - Elie Wiesel

"As long as we have a divine Father who is able to create without a divine Mother, women's creative acts are viewed as superfluous or secondary. And as long as the feminine is missing in the Divine, men would continue to experience entitlement and women would be prey to self-doubt and disempowerment." - Sue Monk Kidd

"Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both?" - Susan Sarandon

"Sex is difficult; yes. But those tasks that have been entrusted to us are difficult; almost everything serious is difficult; and everything is serious. If you just recognize this and manage, out of yourself, out of your own talent and nature, out of your own experience and childhood and strength, to achieve a wholly individual relation to sex (one that is not influenced by convention and custom), then you will no longer have to be afraid of losing yourself and becoming unworthy of your dearest possessions." - Rainer Maria Rilke

"The greatest tragedy in life is not death but life. A life that fails to fulfill its purpose and potentials."

2. React to your chosen quote. Write down all your reactions. Let it all flow out. Allow yourself the freedom to be "wrong". DO NOT CENSOR. Do not worry about whether your grammar, spelling or logic is "correct". Do not try to "make sense"--not at this point.

Guide Questions:
What do you think of the quote? Do you agree with it? Which part? Why? If not--which part? Why? What personal experience are you reminded of?

3. Read through what you've written. Now pick a person whom you think will know or understand you a bit more if they read it (YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY SHOW IT TO THIS PERSON. Simply imagine that this person will get to read it.)
Put yourself in that person's shoes. Revise your writing in a way that will help that person understand better what you are trying to say. Exert all effort to be clear. Check and recheck your grammar, spelling, your logic. Does it make sense?

Guide Questions:
-Does that person think like you? Do you have the same notion/perception of things? Do you share the same values, priorities? If not, how can you say what you want to say without making that person feel he's "wrong" or that you are "right"?
-How did you come about your notions of things, your values and beliefs (about Sex, Money, God, Family, Art, Death)? Did you learn this in school? At home? From church? From books?
-Has any person or experience challenged, tested or made you question these beliefs, values, perceptions?

4. Take a break. Watch a movie, get a massage, take a nap, hang out with a friend--anything that helps you relax. Make sure to move physically--take a walk, do Yoga, do some light stretches.
Don't return to your essay until after (at least) twenty-four hours.

5. Read your essay. Notice how it makes you feel. Does it feel honest? Or does it feel pretentious, self-conscious?
Pay attention to these feelings. At this point (and ONLY at this point) you can show your essay to someone whose opinion you trust. Ask for that person's honest feedback and be open. Make adjustments only if you agree with the comments.
If you have no such person in mind, bring out your journal and write down your thoughts about your essay. What do you like about it? What don't you like about it? Who amongst your circle of friends and family are likely to relate to it? Who are likely not to?
When it feels right, declare yourself done. No more feverish editing and revising. It's time to share your essay with others.
LET IT GO. There are other things to write and other thoughts to share.

6. Pick a new quote and let the cycle of creation begin all over again.


Important Points to Remember:

1st step/stage - Give yourself the FREEDOM to think, say, do what you want.
2nd step/stage - Strive for CLARITY and RESPONSIBILITY in your work.
3rd step/stage - Cultivate TRUST in the unseen forces of the universe (something higher and bigger than your own intellect). You are not in control. You can only have control if you let go of the results.

Throughout the 3 steps/stages, also remember to:
Be PATIENT with yourself.
Be mindful of the step you are in. Do not rush or skip a step/stage.
Relax. It's all good. ;)

These steps may be applied to any project or endeavor, not just for the personal essay. Don't tax yourself deciding whether a project or endeavor is "creative"; I believe that everything that we do with awareness--on purpose--is creative. So try it out.